Stop dissections
by Anaquia
Summary: High school AU, very silly. A group of concerned students have decided to challenge their biology teacher's nature-unfriendly classroom activities. Will Anomen manage to warn the principal before things get out of hand?


_I'm not completely sure why this exists. I was reading some old topics on gamejag about the BG NPCs in a high school setting, and this silly thing popped up in my head and demanded to be written. Humour is not my usual thing to write, so I'm a bit nervous about this.  
_

_I hope you like it. :)_

_Disclaimers :__ I don't know the first thing about US high schools or american football besides the usual stereotypes, so any mistake is obviously mine._

_All characters belong to Black Isle & Bioware. Keldorn the principal, Cernd the analyst and Korgan the janitor are taken straight from that topic I mentionned, I hope the people who suggested it would not mind._

* * *

As soon as the disastrous training session was over, Anomen rushed into the locker room and flung his towel on a bench. The room was still empty, lucky for him.

He sighed heavily with discouragement. How could they do that to him? Suspended for two months, and demoted to the replacement team! Permanently! Had he trained long and hard to be able to play just as well as any other member of the team, and better than half of them, only for it to come to this? He had lost his temper again, true enough, but was it his fault if Cadril had started shouting insanities at him without a good reason? How in the world was he supposed to concentrate on the game with that blasted Viconia hanging around the training grounds, trying her best to catch his attention whenever coach Trawl's back was turned the other way?

Anger management issues, they had said, of course they would say that. Still, his temper was not half as bad as Minsc's, but you would never see _him_ being excluded for two months. Apparently Minsc was too valuable to the team for that, when he himself was not.

He slammed the door shut and went to examine his face in the mirror above the sink – the cut on his forehead was benign, and once he had cleaned off the blood it would heal very quickly. The black eye, though, was quite another matter. His father was going to skin him alive.

He lifted his head suddenly – voices in the corridor, footsteps, sounds of laughter approaching on the other side of the door. Time was running out. Anomen hurriedly changed back into his normal clothes and gathered his things, while the room around him was flooded little by little with a bustle of slammed doors and loud conversations. He made a hurried exit through the back door before anyone could come near him, as much to avoid the jeers and taunts that would be bound to make him lose patience again, as to escape the crude 'discussions' that usually took place in the boys' restrooms, that he honestly had no taste or stomach for.

Once outside, he was able to breathe a little more easily at last.

He started down the path and took out his timetable, his mind and body so drained of all energy that he could not quite remember where he was supposed to go next.

Biology with Pr. Irenicus. Wonderful. Exactly what he needed right now to cheer him up right now.

And there was still a maths test coming up in two days, for which he still had to start studying. With all the other homework that he had to do, maths was going to come last once again, and he would fail the test, once again. He shuddered to think what his father's reaction would be, when the news of his umpteenth failure would shatter all his hopes that his son might one day be able to join the same business school that he had attended himself. It did not matter to him that he was doing quite well in literature and latin and always passed history with outstanding grades – no, only his precious maths mattered.

Anomen rubbed his eyes wearily, feeling a major headache building up, that was bound to unfold into a full-blown migraine in the confined atmosphere of Pr. Irenicus' classroom of horrors. Maybe he should try to excuse himself and go to the infirmary to get an aspirine? But what manner of understanding could be expected from a man who had plastered the walls of his classroom with pictures of dissected animals and people, claiming that "from the contemplation of their perfect beauty even their limited intellects should be able to gather a glimpse of the underlying structure of reality, that existed beyond its mere physical expression"? No, he would have to stay, and the very perspective of that ordeal was exhausting him already.

Anomen frowned, registering all of a sudden the sounds of voices coming from the direction of the science building, unusually loud. Surely it could not be his classmates provoking such a commotion? A good many of them certainly were loud enough to be able to produce such noises, but surely none of them would be mad enough to provoke a fight in front of Irenicus' classroom?

With an ill sense of foreboding, he hurried in that direction, only to notice that the words were taking on a rythmical quality, which didn't seem like a good sign at all.

He turned round the bend of the science building, and there he saw them – a whole group of them, standing in front of the entrance with their backs turned to him, clapping in their hands and chanting various slogans at the top of their voices. Now, what sort of madness was this?

Noticing Valygar Corthala standing in a corner with his back against a wall and his arms folded, observing the scene with deep interest, Anomen went straight to him.

'Corthala, do you have any idea what is happening here?', he enquired by way of greeting.

'Well, it seems that some of our classmates have decided they have had enough of our biology teacher's, ah, choice of subjects, and have decided to challenge his authority.'

Anomen ran his hand through his hair nervously.

'A protest demonstration against Irenicus? Have they gone mad?'

The group seemed to be led by Jaheira – of course, he was tempted to add, for who else would have had the nerve of setting up something like this? Among them he noticed Khalid, who was never seen very far away from Jaheira, clapping in his hands but not participating in the shouting, for obvious reasons, looking a little embarrassed to be seen here. And standing at the back with his hands in his pockets was that odd-looking blue-haired acting student, Har-something he believed the name was, looking idle and out of place as if he had somehow wandered unto the scene completely by chance.

They had unfurled wide banners and were holding them up against the wind. _Stop dissections NOW_ – one said – _Science without conscience is but the ruin of the soul_ – he read on another, among other things.

And as if that in itself wasn't bad enough already, those messages were also repeated aloud by Jaheira herself, who stood in front of the group haranguing her followers. Cries and sudden outburts of applause saluted her performance, and Anomen wondered with a little apprehension if maybe he shouldn't be doing something. Surely he could not let them make fools of themselves without intervening?

'By the gods, they're really going to do this, are they?', said a voice to his right, sparing him any decision for the time being.

He started and turned to face Nalia DeArnise, quite unable to determine whether she had spoken to Valygar or himself, or maybe just only for her own benefit.

'I mean', she added, 'Their claims are entirely justified, I will grant you that, but their methods are so crude and unrefined... Had they talked to me about it beforehand I would have been glad to mention it to my father, and I am quite certain that...'

'Brainless simians.'

'_What_ did you just say?', Nalia replied indignantly, sharply addressing Edwin Odesseiron who shuffled past them towards the building as if nothing had happened, casting contemptuous glances towards the group on the lawn.

'Odesseiron, your family may be _almost_ as influent as mine in this city, but I will not stand idly by as you insult in this manner those whose demands are perfectly acceptable, be their methods a little - '

'They're all fools, and you with them if you support them', he said, looking at her as if she were interrupting him with petty considerations in the middle of a task of the highest importance. 'None of them understand the meaning of true science, obviously. It goes far beyond the limited considerations of sentimentality, or...'

'Come on, Edwin', Nalia said, a little taken aback, 'Even you can't say he isn't at least a little creepy, right? I mean, these poor frogs... And the _mouses_...'

She shuddered noticeably, and Anomen himself felt a little ill at the remembrance, which did nothing to ease his headache. Odesseiron only shrugged, and the others turned away from him.

At Jaheira's command, the group then started forming ranks, and resumed their chanting with a semblance of order.

'Stop dissections _now_! Stop dissections _now_!'

Anomen looked and listenend, running his hands through his hair once more.

'They're going to be expelled... The idiots!'

'Hm, excuse me?', said a small voice somewhere near his shoulder, 'Would you mind signing this petition, please? It would be of great help to us if you did.'

Anomen looked down to Aerie – Aerie?! – and his surprise at seeing the short, bright, sweet-tempered Aerie in such company was such that he momentarily found himself unable to speak. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Valygar motioning to her to approach and taking the pen to sign the blasted paper, before passing it on to Nalia who did the same (Ah,finally something a little more reasonable! Thank you Aerie!). Odesseiron took advantage of the diversion to slip away unnoticed and sneaked into the building by the half-open door.

'Wait, here he comes!', Jaheira said. 'Everyone, hold your ground! Remember the affronts that this man has inflicted to Nature!'

They all turned in the direction she indicated. A little while away, Anomen could make out the easily recognizable figure of the biology teacher, striding towards them across the lawn. Some of the girls, when they were well away from the miasmatic fumes that filled his classroom, sometimes whispered between themselves that he was handsome, despite the old burnt scars that disfigured him, but he really could not see it. What kind of person, anyway, could think of dwelling on a man's physical appearance, when that same man was an individual so vile that he adorned the walls and cabinets of his ugly hideout with formol jars with dead things in them?

There had yet been certain rumours a few months earlier, of an affair that had supposedly been taking place between him and the pretty nurse Ellesime, but never once had Irenicus seemed anything but his usual grim and dispassionate self, and so the talks had all died out within the span of a few weeks. And yet, however improbable as it might have seemed, Aerie, who had spent a great deal of time in the infirmary around that time to avoid gymnastics classes with Bodhi, had reported a few more tears from her part than usual ; but by now all was back to normal.

Irenicus was approaching much closer now, and the protestors, under Jaheira's lead, had resumed their shouting with renewed strength.

'Now this is bad', he commented, 'They _are_ going to be expelled this time.'

'Wait up'', Valygar said next to him, 'Now this is becoming interesting.'

'The idiots', Nalia whispered under her breath, shaking her head and stealthily moving away from the group.

'Now, may I know what is happening here?', Irenicus said once he had reached them. 'Has a party been organized and I was not consulted?'

He couldn't let this happen, he couldn't.

And then the solution dawned on him, so simple and clear that he wondered why he had not thought of it earlier. Of course.

'I-I can't let this happen', Anomen said decidedly, as much for himself as for Nalia DeArnise and Valygar Corthala, 'I'm getting sir Firecam.'

He started off immediately, not waiting for an answer. Nalia called after him :

'Wait! You'll blow everything! You dim-witted...'

He ignored her and walked away as fast as possible. He almost dropped his bag in his hurry and hardly slowed down to adjust it on his shoulder. He rushed into the main building and hurried through several empty corridors – all the other classes had begun already. His heart was pounding in his chest when he finally emerged into a dimly-lit, windowless corridor with closed doors on both sides. The freshly polished floorboards glimmered in the darkness, in contrast to the rest of the building where all was of white tiling and bright windows.

Anomen looked around cautiously, more than a little self-conscious. The light was on already when he had come in – had somebody forgotten it? Should he switch it off himself? But then again he had much more pressing matters to attend to, he reminded himself. He took a deep breath and took a few steps into the normally forbidden corridor, acutely aware of his transgression.

'Yer walkin on me floorin', lad!'

'Wha-!'

Who? Who had spoken? Where? Anomen looked around, at the same time trying to calm down the furious beating of his heart. A door had just opened, and there stood the stocky figure of the school janitor, a named Korgan Bloodaxe, his fists on his hips, holding in his closed hands a piece of blackened cloth and a handbrush.

He mumbled a vague apology and attempted to shuffle past the janitor, but the diminutive fellow was thoroughly blocking the way, standing right in the middle of the corridor and staring at him accusingly.

'I said, yer walkin' on me floorin', lad', he repeated.

Now, he had apologized already, whatever more could the man possibly want?

'Sir, please, listen to me. This is a matter of utmost importance, and I need to speak with the principal at once!'

'Yeah, right. They all say that.'

Anomen felt his cheeks burning, and tried to keep control of his breathing.

###

Keldorn walked back into the main building, rubbing his forehead wearily. Ryan Trawl was in a terrible mood, as could be expected. It was not uncommon for students to suffer minor bruises during training, but that kind of deliberate assault was quite another matter. Still, the whole thing could have been settled within the school itself – Delryn would face disciplinary charges and earn multiple detentions for this, of course – but Cadril, as soon as he had left the infirmary, had voiced his intention to report the assault to the authorities. And so now he would have to notify the boy's father, probably convocate him, and given what had happened the last time Cor Delryn had set a foot on school grounds, he was less than impatient to reiterate the experience. Maybe he would even be forced to schedule the boy for an appointment with the school psychologist. Keldorn shuddered. He was no specialist, but somehow he doubted that freudian analysis could do much to help that boy. Dr Cernd of course would beg to differ.

He closed his eyes, welcoming the cool darkness inside after the harsh daylight. Oh, how he wished to be on his way home already. Only to sit down for a moment's peace and forget about the school and its neverending flow of problems for a while... With all the time and energy that it took him to simply keep the asylum running, it had been an eternity since he had had a chance to simply sit down and enjoy a cup of tea, maybe read a book... Every day more he was holding it all together felt like one more miracle to him. Hopefully Maria would be able to understand.

Keldorn checked his watch. If he left now, maybe he would even have enough time left to help Leona with her homework and listen to Vesper's stories before dinner. Now he only had to drop by his office to take a few papers...

Turning into the corridor it seemed to him that he heard some distant shouting, coming alarmingly from the direction of his office. For a moment he considered retracing his steps and leaving immediately, but of course it wouldn't do to let Imoen or Alora, or maybe that little scoundrel Montaron, setting up a prank or other in the corridor, and then...

Damn. There was the shouting again. He recognized Korgan's voice, without a doubt, and to his alarm another one that sounded distinctly like the young Delryn's. He hurried in the direction of his office.

'What in the Abyss is happening here?'

All shouting ceased, and both the angry student and the red-faced janitor turned to face him. The Delryn boy's face turned in seconds from deep red to sickly pale, and he released the janitor's collar. Korgan scrambled up to his feet and dusted off his costume. He picked up his cloth and shoved it behind his back before bowing slightly in front of him.

Keldorn sighed and rubbed his eyes. Why did these things keep happening to him?

'Well?'

They both looked at each other and started talking at the same time.

'Sir, I...'

'It's urgent, he says', Korgan interrupted.

Keldorn stopped him with one look and turned to the still pale young man. Of course. He should have expected it. Why did everybody seem to think that he had answers to all questions, and a ready solution for every problem?

'Fine, then, what is it? I have to warn you, if this is about your place in the team, I only just talked about it with coach Trawl, and...'

'No, sir, this is not it', the boy interrupted him.

He winced and blushed and apologized, casting him an almost shy look to make sure that he was allowed to continue.

'As it is, a group of my classmates have... err... taken it upon themselves to set up a protest demonstration against professor Irenicus' way of managing his classes. Sir.'

Surely he must have misheard? And yet, Korgan's sniggering seemed enough proof of the contrary.

Of course, now that he was thinking about it, something like this was bound to happen one day or another. He had given Irenicus a fair warning already, but the man had about as much common sense going through his skull as a mountain troll, and was at least twice as stubborn.

Unless... Unless of course this was an elaborate prank, set up by the Delryn boy in retaliation to his eviction from the team?

'... Delryn, if this is some sort of jest, I...'

He stopped himself in mid-sentece. This was _Anomen Delryn_ he was talking to after all. Please Torm may he be jesting.

'This is no jest, is it?'

'No, sir. I'm afraid not.'

The boy shook his head regretfully, and Korgan erupted into a fit of rattling laughter.

'Fine. Show me the way.'

And so he followed Delryn out of the corridor and into the brightly illuminated hall, with Korgan shambling along after them. He didn't have to go very far to realize that what the boy had said was true – as soon as he opened the door outside, they heard the shouts coming from across the school grounds.

They hurried along the path towards the science building. The air was filled with chanted slogans, among which he could occasionnally catch a word or other, usually 'dissections'. Anomen still led the group, casting an anxious look back to him from time to time. And then a booming barytone erupted, drowning all other voices with its strength :

'Boo will not let his rodent brethren be gruesomely murdered by the sneaky little man anymore, no sir! Right, Boo?'

'Squeak!'

Keldorn and Anomen exchanged a startled look and started to run.

There in the middle of the lawn stood Irenicus, the protestors now walking in circles around him, brandishing their signs and banners. Minsc had joined them and stood dangerously close to him, shouting into his face and shoving his pet hamster Boo right under his nose, while the man simply stood there impassively, with his arms folded and a smirk on his face, facing the protestors as if he could quell the rising tide of fury by sheer will only. Edwin Odesseiron had come out again and was peering out from behind the door.

'Stop dissections NOW! Stop dissections NOW!'

'We cannot let such crimes go unanswered! Buttkicking for goodness!'

'Minsc, no!'

Little Aerie – Aerie?! What in Torm's name was she doing here? – dropped the sign she was holding and sprang forward, grabbing the edge of Minsc's t-shirt to try to hold him back. Valygar hurried to her help, and Anomen rushed forward after him.

Now was the moment to intervene.

'All will fall before the might of Minsc and Boo! RRRAAAGGHHHGHG!'

'ENOUGH !'

The protestors ceased all shouting at once and moved aside to let him pass. Anomen and Valygar's combined efforts were hardly enough to keep the booming Minsc – and his Boo – to throw himself at the biology teacher.

'Kill, says Boo! Kill, does Minsc! Evil dies here today!'

'Minsc, stand down and calm yourself, the fight is over!'

'Raagh! Rr...'

'Let the fury pass, Minsc, do not let it destroy you from within.'

'I will... Minsc is calm. Boo is calm. Better now. Thank you, sir Firecam, thank you.'

'Now, there, Minsc', Aerie said, casting Keldorn a quick thankful look. 'Are you feeling a little better now? Come over here...'

She set a hand on the giant footbal player's arm and led him a little away from the group. Pr. Irenicus wiped off the sweat from his forehead.

'Sir, it highly surprises me that this school should tolerate such behaviour – there he gestured at Minsc, and then at the protestors and their banners – from supposedly well-behaved students. As it happens, these young people here have...'

As if these words were some signal she had been waiting for, Jaheira walked up to them both, her anger intact.

'Sir, this man – she gestured eloquently at Irenicus – this _man_ here has...'

'Foolish girl, you do not understand what I am trying to do in this classroom, are you? I will not listen to the prattling of an ignorant child, when...'

'This is an insult to Nature! I demand that...'

'Silence!'

Silence came back at once.

'Would everybody be kind enough to keep their temper down, please?'

Jaheira and her companions looked down at their feet, a little ashamed. Irenicus glowered triumphantly, and she glared back at him.

'Aerie dear, would you please be so kind as to escort our friend Minsc to the infirmary?'

The girl nodded.

'Come on, Minsc, wouldn't you like to go visit nurse Ellesime?'

'You hear that, Boo? Hamsters and quaterbacks rejoice! The pretty nurse Ellesime always has nuts for Boo and his squirrel friends, a friend of nature and hamsters she is, yes.'

Everybody watched them as they departed, and once they had disappered inside the relief among the group was almost palpable.

'Everyone else, in my office', Keldorn said, unwilling to let the moment pass and let them get off lightly. 'Joneleth, I think you...'

'Are you quite certain that will be necessary?'

Keldorn simply looked at the man and nodded, not even bothering with words, showing the way towards the building. The protestors started in that direction, more or less reluctantly, in groups of two or three, some abandoning their banners and others clinging to them and refusing to let them go.

'And that goes for you as well, master Odesseiron.'

'Who, me?', Edwin said with an air of feigned innocence, caught in the middle of trying to sneak back inside the building. '(Drat and double drat!)'

Somewhere behind Keldorn's back, Korgan the janitor sniggered loudly to himself. Keldorn sighed heavily and started after Irenicus and the students, making sure that nobody had stayed behind. It was going to take him hours to settle the matter, hear all grievances and deal out detentions, and a good part of the evening to write the report, not to mention the phone calls regarding the Delryn situation...

There went his chance of a peaceful evening. He was going to be late for dinner _again_, and Maria was going to kill him.


End file.
